So I’ve been googling recipes and found a lot of gross stuff. After seeing recipes for Cockroach and Dirty Diaper Dip (Walnut Dip and Blackbean Hummas respectively) I decided to go the cutesy route; especially since we will be drinking and I don’t want to see vomit too early.

I got this idea from www.divinedinnerparty.com/halloween-party-appetizers.html

She uses sweet potato and cumin in hers, but I had butternut squash, and sage, and brown butter just sounded good.

Green Pastry

1c flour

1/4c whole wheat flour

2 Tbls crisco

Wilton Brand icing dye in green

2tbls cold butter, cubed

Dash of salt

5-6 Tbls ice water

Add the crisco to a small bowl. Dip a fork in the green gel and mix it into the crisco. Put in the freezer.

Add the flours and salt in another bowl, mix up to combine. Add the green crisco to the flour and cut it into the flour until it looks green.

Add the butter and cut it in until you have pea size blobs of butter. Add the ice water a Tbls at a time, folding it into the mixture. When it starts to come together, wrap it in plastic wrap (or use a zip lock bag if your out) press it together to form a ball and put it in the fridge until ready to use, or at least 30 min.

Butternut Squash with Brown Butter and Sage

1 small butternut squash

1 tsp plus 3 Tbls of butter, divided

Salt

Pepper

2 Tbls brown sugar divided

1 Tbls parsley

1 tsp rubbed sage

Cut the squash in half, remove and discard seeds. Rub both sides with the tsp of butter, sprinkle with salt, pepper and a Tbls of brown sugar (1/2 Tbls each side) bake for 1 hour, cut side down.

When done, scoop out the flesh add the other Tbls of brown sugar and the parsley, then puree until smooth.

Cover a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and spread the mixture and place in a 350f oven for ten minutes to dry it out.

Transfer mixture to a bowl. Over medium heat melt the 3tbls with the sage. WATCH CLOSELY! Once it’s brown add it too the squash. Add the cheese and mix it up.

Assembly

Pre heat your oven to 350f

Roll out the dough until it’s about 1/4 of an inch thick. Using something that’s 3 inches in diameter, cut circles from your crust (I got 23). Place a tsp of cooled butternut squash mixture and fold over, pressing with your fingers or a fork. Place on a cookie sheet and bake for 15-20 min.

These turned out really good, but to be honest; I’m probably going to make bean and cheese empanadas with the green pastry. Why? W-e-e-e-l-l-l-l, I had squash left over (oh yeah make two crusts if you make this) so I cooked up some pasta and used the left over squash as sauce. It was excellent! But more then that, I told my son, the pickiest eater EVER that it was Macaroni and Cheese and he loved it! I can’t use this in empanadas (that he refused) when he’ll eat it in pasta! I sent some over to my neighbors, if they like it I’ll make it for the party.

I really wanted Barbecue Chicken Pizza. Really REALLY wanted barbecue chicken pizza. My pocket book told me tuff tity said the kitty when the milk went dry. So instead of Barbecue Chicken Pizza with Smoked Gouda and Cilantro, I’m crafting this dump into Chicken Enchilada Pizza with WIC cheese.

Pizza Dough

1 pkg yeast

2 Tbls Honey

1c water (100-115f)

1 Tsp kosher salt

1 Tbls olive oil

2 2/3c all purpose flour

1/3 c whole wheat flour

Left over chicken

1 28oz can Enchilada sauce (I used La Victoria)

1/4c minced onion

1 clove garlic

Cumin and Chili powder

Mozzarella, Jack and Parmesean cheese

Add honey and yeast to a mixing bowl. Add the warm water and let sit for ten minutes. Add the flour, salt and olive oil. Using a dough hook knead until it becomes smooth, elastic, and wrapped neatly around the hook. Grease it up with some oil and let it rise for 60-90 min.

Any time you use can sauce, you have to cook the “tin” out of it. Brown the onion and garlic in a Tbls of butter (or olive oil) with the cumin and chili powder. Add the Enchilada sauce and cook for 5 min then take it off the heat.

Grate the cheese and shred the chicken. Add enough sauce to coat the chicken.

After 90 min or so, punch down the dough and cut it in half. Let it rest for 30 min. This is the point where my little Angels’ want to help; which is great because 1) They get to have fun in the kitchen 2) They can make their own pizza instead of me! I’m no fool, even though it’s “pizza” it still has chicken and Enchilada sauce on it.

Roll out the dough, add your stuff and bake it at >500F or as hot as your oven will go for 8-10 min. Pizza just turns out better in an oven hotter then hell. I recommend paying attention. I had to vacuum up coffee grounds and burnt my pretty blanco pizza >:

If you want perfect pizza let your children go ape shit and watch that pizza!

So this turned out ok. I don’t think I’ll make it again. I also think left over boiled chicken is gross, and I should have added it to my chicken and gravy turned soup, or given it to the dog. The coating in Enchilada sauce didn’t help (Crafted. Crap).

You may be asking, “If this was so mediocre, why blog about it?” So you don’t make the same mistake my friend. Also because eating this is better then eating at TGI Friday’s. Besides, when God takes a dump on your head, you just have to craft it into a hat that says, when God takes a dump on your head, you just have to craft it into a hat that says……..

I can remember the first time I had these cookies. My MIL made them the first time I came to visit. Except she added strawberry jam to the filling and on occasion would add a drop to the cookie itself making these cream filled thumprints! But I digress….

My soon to be hubby and I had been out partying it up and came home to these chocolate gems. I remember that first bite and said “Dude these are like, hella good!” Yes I said hella, but in my defense I was a California stoner eating munchie heaven!

These cookies are beyond easy to make. I’ve seen pictures on the internets that looked flatter then mine. I wondered if I used 2 sticks of butter instead of one, or had used only one egg if they would have a more “cookie” shape. Even though they were puffy, they were still soft, chewy and delicious. I wanted to add chocolate chips (which I didn’t have) so I added the body of an Easter bunny I found in the freezer.

1 box chocolate cake mix

1 stick (1/2c) softened butter

Pinch of salt

2 eggs

1 package chocolate chips (or chocolate bunny body)

Pre heat oven to 350F

Whip the butter up in a mixer. Add the eggs, one at a time then add the cake mix. Scrape the sides and beat on high for about a minute. Add the chips and beat until mixed. I tried to fold them in but the dough is too stiff for folding.

Scoop out a teaspoon full, roll it in your hand and place on a cookie sheet 2 inches apart. Bake for 8-10 minutes.

I think it made about 60 cookies. I’m not sure because they were hard to resist and the children and I may have had a couple before they became sandwich cookies.

I’m not sure how my MIL made the filling so I decided to experiment. I’ve had this obsession with buttercream lately. Not powdered sugar dumped into butter, but light, delicate, egg-y smooth buttercream. This filling is like an Italian buttercream, except I used a pound of cream cheese instead of butter; although I did throw in a half stick of butter just for shits and giggles. I was low on eggs so I used Wilton Powdered meringue. I do NOT recommend it. I can taste the difference. No one else could tell, but I could. Not so bad since I used almost exclusively cream cheese. If your concerned about using raw eggs don’t be. The sugar cooks the eggs when it’s mixed. If you want it extra super gold plus deluxe rich style, use egg yolks instead.

Italian Cream Cheese Buttercream

4 egg whites

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup water

1 pound cream cheese at room temp

1/2 stick butter

1 tsp vanilla

Carefully crack the egg whites into a mixing bowl. Attach the whisk attachment (do not attempt to do this by hand!!!! Use a mixer!)

Add sugar and water into a sauce pan. Clip on a candy thermometer and cook over med low heat, brushing down the sides of the pan with water as necessary. When the sugar starts to boil, turn the mixer on high to beat the egg whites into stiff peaks.

KEEP AN EYE ON THE SUGAR! I got distracted by a small child and realized my sugar had started to carmalize. I also think I put the thermometer in the wrong spot too cuz I swore it didn’t say 248F! SO, when the sugar reaches 248F, slowly and carefully pour the hot sugar into the still beating egg whites. Keep whisking on high until you can comfortably touch the sides of the bowl.

When it’s cool enough, plop in a blob of cream cheese, one blob at a time. Wait until each blob is completely mixed in before adding the next. After the first 8oz of cream cheese is added, add the butter, a tablespoon at a time, then add the other 8oz of cream cheese, once again a blob at a time. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and mix it up again. Let it chill over night.

If I wanted to be “fancy” I would have used a pastry bag to pipe in the cream cheesey goodness into the center of each chocolate cookie. Instead I grabbed a 1/2 Tbls and went to scooping.

I had cream cheese buttercream left over. You can reduce the recipe, or do what I’m doing and smear it on blueberry bagels.

So I was so involved with making these cookies I completely forgot about dinner. I need to make something that I can forget about for extended periods of time, and that would be Stewed Chicken. My hubby would call it Chicken in Gravy but what ever.

1 chicken keep the neck, discard the guts

1 Tbls butter

5 green onions

5 stalks celery

1 green bell pepper

1 shallot

2 cloves garlic

Tony’s Creole seasoning

Garlic Salt

Sage

Flat leaf parsley

2 Bay leaves

Get a big pot and throw in the butter. Add the chicken and season with the garlic salt, Tony’s and Sage. When you flip the bird (lol) season the other side.

I didn’t feel like chopping stuff up, so I grabbed my handy dandy kitchen shears and cut everything into the pot. I didn’t want to get another knife, and another cutting board dirty. I didn’t want to wash the ones that had chocolate on them, so I opted for scissors.

Cut the vegetables and the parsley into the pot. Let the chicken and vegetables cook on low and covered. How long? Until you get around to adding water, or however long it takes a baby to nurse and stay happy.

When you get around to checking it again, scrape up the cooked on goodness called fond, add the bay leaves, turn up the heat to high and cover it again.

Get yourself 8 cups of HOT water and dump it in. Cover, leave it on high until it starts to boil then turn it down to med. Let it cook until the chicken is cooked through. Remove the chicken. Let it cool slightly, or just start hacking at it with utensils like I did. Discard the skin, shred the dark meat and reserve the white meat for another use (like chicken enchiladas or chicken salad).

Stain the broth, and add the cooked vegetables to the dark meat. Use a gravy separator and let the fat rise to the top.

In a saucepan, melt 2Tbls of butter then add 2Tbls of flour to make a blonde roux. Add half the broth (about 3 cups) whisk until smooth. Add dark meat and vegetables. Serve over buttered rice.

I like mine with fresh parsley and some Tony’s sprinkled on top, but after slaving away over such a good meal, I only garnished mine. I have tons of left overs that I will end up freezing for another day. The good thing is I have left over broth and cooked chicken to make a different meal another night!
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I have left the children to their own devises; at this point they are mixing raisins with bran cereal and celebrating their creation of raisin bran. All while I’m posted up on the couch trying to get up and do what a good wife and mother should do. You know, clean and cook!

Now what good is being sick if you can’t skirt some duties right? So I’m going to bat my pretty green eyes at my husband so I can get out of the cleaning and make some kick ass soup.

I’ve got to make do with what I have for several reasons. 1) I’m stuck at home with three kids and no car. 2) grocery shopping for any length of time with said children can be hell. 3) We live in California making it on one income. 4) I’m sick and just about everything sounds disgusting.

What DOES sound good is pho, and french onion soup; so I sorta combined the two. If I had money and energy, I would have added ginger, used more onion, used more beef broth and garnished with cilantro. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I probably would have added meat but meat sounds gross for some reason. So this is what I came up with:

Shallot Pho

1 Tbls Butter

5 Shallots, roughly chopped

Five Spice Powder

3 Cloves of Garlic, chopped

Splash of Whiskey (I used Crown Royal)

1/2 Box of beef broth

64oz water

Salt

Soy sauce

Brown sugar

1/2 Package of rice noodles

Hoisin sauce, sriracha chili sauce, green onions and lime for garnish.

I sauted the shallots in butter for a couple minutes over low heat. Then I added a couple pinches of five spice powder and the garlic. Then I deglazed it with whiskey, added the little bit of broth I had and the water.

At this point it tasted like dish water. So I added the salt, soy sauce, some more five spice and brown sugar. I let it simmer for 30 min or so.

Soak the noodles in hot water for five minute, or longer, I honestly forgot. Then I turned off the broth and added the noodles. When the noodles are soft, but still al dente it’s time to serve!

It turned out pretty good, and ate two bowls of it! Mmmmm! The spicy chili sauce and the splash of lime made me feel a bit better too. My second bowl I added a drop of sesame oil for something different. the kids refused their noodle (wtf they love noodles????) and hubby didn’t want to wait and heated up a frozen burrito. Oh well, their palets’ aren’t as discerning as mine. Now I want something sweet…..